presence

I all but ran through the dark night, climbing the hill toward the little church with an urgency that could only be fueled by desperation. Thankful for the desolation of life in rural South Dakota, I began to pray out loud, begging God for His presence.  It was such a beautiful night, but so dark.  My heart was beating and breaking all at the same time.  I needed Him like I had never needed him before.  I needed to know that He was there through the mess.  I entered the empty sanctuary, pleading with God for wisdom, face to the floor.

In the stillness, He came.

~~~

I all but broke out of the ranger station, desperate to walk out to the campground, so thankful for the excuse to listen to my iPod and pray even while at work.  For a few days I had felt what seemed like the absence of God so keenly.  I had, rightfully or not, felt alienated from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I had thought myself the outcast as a result of the things I view differently.  As I slipped to the fringes of my church ideologically and socially, I felt my faith slipping, too.  God seemed distant in a way that He hadn't since the dark time of doubt I faced in college.  I pleaded with Him to make himself known to me.

And He came.

~~~

He came in the stillness.

He whispered into the darkness of my heart.  Hope. Peace. Reconciliation. Acceptance.  Forgiveness.  Identity as His beloved.

The presence of God was to me life and breath.  The presence of God reminded me that I am wholly loved.

The presence of God changed me.

~~~

It is when I remember who I am that I am saved.  I am a child of God.  I am loved extravagantly.  I am chosen.

I am loved.